I had more capacity than I thought…

Many have asked me how things are now with our puppy, so I feel it could be time for an update. Winston is now 5 months old and I’m happy (and relieved…) that life is getting easier again.

From not having had much sleep and to have put almost all my daily routines on hold, I can say today that both me and Winston sleeps all night and I’m back to the routines I’d like to preserve, at least for the time being. Going out for a walk in the mornings is a great joy, accompanied now by my furry friend. And how about daily yoga…? No, that is not happening, but it’s ok, I’ll be back eventually…

However, looking back at my first months dealing with this new situation, having a dog for the first time, makes me humble over our (I should say my) capacity to adapt to change. I have written about that before in a Newsletter, how our ability to adapt to change has shown itself in multiple ways during the pandemic, and here is just another example.

For a while I questioned if I even would be able to do my work, and that really scared me. In the last few years, I have found routines that supports my grounding and nourishes my ability to be present. That is all good in a way, but… suddenly when these routines weren’t there, I then believed that I no longer was fit to do my job (or being a good friend, wife, mum, person….

One day a while ago, in the middle of the chaotic puppy life, I had just finished a session with a client and sat a while and reflected/checked in with myself how I was doing. A warm sense of gratitude came over me. The session was beautiful, the client had taken a huge step in her understanding and compassion about herself, and I felt I’d been able to be present and supportive.

A sentence suddenly came to me; “you have so much more capacity than you think”!

Wow, I wrote it down and read it a few times and started laughing…

In my intent to create an environment for myself where I felt safe, I had in fact limited myself to believe that “without this I can’t do it”. So, in the same moment I wrote it, I decided to change my belief and look at it from that other angle; what if exactly this sort of chaotic days are exactly where I need to be to explore exactly what I am exploring, and that would be, that I CAN be present and supportive even without my believed strategies for success!

It’s safe (!) to say that by limiting ourselves we create a safe place where things are manageable, and sometimes that is the best choice. And at times we can also just add a little curiosity and ask ourselves the question; Is this true? Or could I be limiting myself out of fear of losing control? What am I telling myself and why..?

It’s not the first time this happenes in my life, and I’m grateful for the reminder; because to stop doing things in the way I used to do them, has given me a new fresh sense of momentary awareness. It doesn’t matter how prepared I think I am at times; life will still surprise me! This alertness feels fresh and light and if there’s a risk of having expectations of a possible outcome, this momentary alertness helps me to come back to this very moment…

With Gratitude,


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